I’m grumpy.

I was grumpy today.  I woke up that way. No reason to be, I wasn't angry, it wasn't directed towards anyone or anything, and it didn't make me act in an ugly way towards others. I was just grumpy. 

7:27am

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12  This verse showed up on Time hop this morning, at the bottom of a picture of a devotion I read years ago on this date. I brushed over the review and the quick memory of where I was when I read the devotion for the first time. I remember printing it that day and hanging it on the board over my desk.  It stayed there for four years, teaching me something new about God each time I read it.  It was a great reminder for today, but didn’t help my grumpy disappear.  Too bad, I thought. God said there would be hard days and He would be with me. He must be here in the middle of my grump, probably teaching me something I need to know... 

I tried to work my way through my grumpy by listening to a chapter from my audio book on the drive to work. I was inspired.  

But I was still grumpy. 

I read three devotionals sent from another friend in the parking lot before I went inside. I was reassured that God exists with me all the time, and that He is the answer to joy and perseverance on hard days. It wasn't a hard day, though.

And I was still grumpy. 

I worked on multiple projects and felt accomplished. But—

Grump. Grump. Grump.

9:45am

“How is your Tuesday?”

“I’m grumpy today.  I don’t want to be, but I am.”

“Me too. I don’t have a good reason, I’m just grumpy.”  

This was a text exchange with my friend. Walls down, complete honesty, as always. We were both just grumpy. 

Sometimes the grump is really hard to shake, especially when I don’t know what is making me grumpy. 

1:15pm

I received an email from a student asking for help. She has lived more life in her sixteen years that I have in my thirty-five.  After responding to her and felt excited that I was living in my purpose in that moment, I returned to my to do list which held the names of several people who deserved a happy note. As I was writing one of the notes I remembered my most recent conversation with this person.  I wanted to say, “You are a beautiful person and have such a positive way with your students.  Enjoy today and all that you are to your students. You won’t get another shot at January 8, 2019.  Start a ripple of joy.  Don’t let what you aren't to keep you from all you are!  Don't waste the opportunity and potential God has for you today!”

I read the note to myself and was redirected back to Romans 12:12.  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."  Got it, God... I need to get over my grumpy so it doesn't interfere with Your work through me. 

1:25pm
I wrote another note, sent a scripture to a friend, put a smile on my face, and said a thousand prayers in a hot minute. 

4:00pm

I genuinely enjoyed my after school meeting and the rich discussion with six teachers who love kids and want to get better each day.
I sang at the top of my lungs and took deep breaths of the cool air blowing through the windows as the kids and I jammed our way to get tacos.
I felt peace and comfort at dinner with friends who are real and willing to talk about the daily tug between what shatters us and what makes us whole.
I took delight in getting jammies, folding laundry, making lunches, taking out the trash, and saying bedtime stories, songs and prayers. 

9:18pm

Romans 12:12 — “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”  I think this verse showing up today was really serving as a way for God to tell me, “Stop. Being. Grumpy!  Be mine!”

I tried to break down the verse and read between the lines like we teach students to do.

Joyful in hope. This means I need to be actively, continuously hoping in the Lord.  Not grumpy.  I need to have hope that God knows the destination when the road ahead is clear, and when it gets curvy.  Hoping all throughout the journey, and hoping with joy. I should be joyful in that hope, because how exciting is it that God's plan is always perfect.  Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Patient in affliction. Well, this may be the hardest. This verse is confirming affliction. Affliction is not a comfortable place for me to be. I work hard to keep things in order so I can avoid affliction in the logistical, emotional, and social aspects of life. It is, however, inevitable. James 1:2-4 reminds me, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  Without affliction and trials, I will not be whole.  Maybe this is why I must also be joyful in hope, and faithful in prayer.  

Faithful in prayer. I know I should pray in every circumstance, and I should be praying for more people and a higher purpose than just me and my world.   Thessalonians 5:17 urges us to "pray continually."  Ephesians 6:18 tells us, "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people."

I must be faithful in prayer, while waiting patiently and hoping joyfully through affliction... 

How about that for a to do list?  

Tomorrow’s to do list is simply Romans 12:12.  “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”

Or maybe I will use the version God shouted at me today: “Don’t be grumpy! Be mine!”